On Love

Everyone seems to be in a rush to be in a relationship. 

Why? Just to be with someone? Because you think you love that person?

Sure, but if you're a teen, chances are, you dont really know what love is. No offence. 

As a teen, you are still developing and growing. GROWING. 

If you are still discovering yourself (not in a sexual way) and discovering the world, how can you think you truly understand what love is? 

So many adults cant even get it right *points at divorce rate*

Here's a bit of love advice: never ever presume to understand what love is. Never presume that you are in the perfect relationship with the perfect person. 

Love is perfect in its imperfection. It is a never-ending journey of changes and adventure. 

It is when you think you know it all that you are setting yourself up to fail.

You're building this beautiful castle, worthy of fairytales. 

There will be defects in your castle that you will have to explore to discover, upon which, you either fix it, live with it or figure out a way to deal with it. But over time, your castle will crumble and crack a little here and there, termites will feast in your walls and bits of your castle will fall to ruin due to your own negligence, carelessness or those of others who visit your castle. 

But the most dangerous of all? The foundation of your castle. Sure, its all fun and dandy for a few months or even years but suddenly you find your castle sinking on one side, cracking on the other and then a frigging underground vein of magma just rips your castle a new one.

"Man, this castle aint what it used to be!" 

What do you do then? Move out? Sell that piece of shit and get yourself a new castle! 

Okay. So how many times can you do that? As many as it takes? As painful as this may be for many of you, after a while, you come to a point where you have to ask yourself, 

"Whats wrong with me?" 

No, do not get all emo and think about cutting yourself. No one is perfect, so get your shit together. How can you end up with the perfect person if you are imperfect yourself?

"But you said perfection is in imperfection!!"

Dont get smart with me! 

So imagine this, you're perfect. You're good looking, smart, intelligent, kind, compassionate, successful, hardworking, the whole works.
Now, you're dating this person who is so-so. Easy on the eyes, so-so. But he/she is super controlling, easily jealous, kinda lazy, a slob, emotional, sensitive, bitchy, a cheapskate, opportunist (in a bad way) and NEVER returns any of your cds!

"IMPOSSIBRU! I wont be with someone like that!"

Duh. Unless you're a damaged masochist. So if you wouldnt be with someone like that, why should someone live with YOUR flaws that you put absolutely no effort to fix? I'm not talking about little quirks and the occasional mishaps, btw.

I'm sure you're not THAT bad, but you cant say you dont have your flaws. While waiting for Mr/Ms Right, make yourself the best person you can be. 

"Okay, I've done a total personality makeover on myself, now what?"

Dont get into a relationship just because! Remember the volcano that reduced your previous castles to smouldering piles of nothingness? Perhaps this time you should spend some time making sure your foundation is strong.
What does that mean?
Taking it slow. 

Yeah yeah, we live in a fast paced world but c'mon. You'd spend more time and research on a phone, a car or a house than your potential life partner?!
Dont let your feelings blind you. Actually get to know the person, the good and the bad. Spend time talking, doing (positive) recreational activities together and be FRIENDS!
THEN decide if this is the kind of person you want to be with. 

Sure, this is boring and its way more fun to have love at first sight or to be swept off your feet in a whirlwind romance because your gut feeling has never been wrong. Right?
More like, "Yeah, right" *sarcasm intended*

If you dont build a strong foundation and really get to know that person as a friend first, dont reminisce about the past and how things used to be better and your partner used to be different, bla bla bla.

Its like getting a new toy. At first, you'll be like "OMG! I will play with this and love this forever!" 

5 days later, its lying on the floor with a part under the couch and you're watching Spongebob. 

If your foundation isnt strong, if your relationship is a whirlwind romance, if you let your emotions cloud your judgement instead of using your brain, the chances are, your relationship is going to fail.

Do not fool yourself into thinking "Oh, the problems and foreseeable challenges are wayyyyyy off in the future! We will think and talk about it when it happens. I'm sure it will resolve itself"

Real issues don't go away just because if positive thinking. Avoiding the issues now will only cause more problems and resentment in the future and when the issues have arrived on your doorstep, it might actually be to late to save the situation. 

Love is a journey

People change, circumstances differ and life challenges. A a couple, when each challenge presents itself, instead of asking yourself, "is this relationship worth it?", ask yourself, "How do we work with/around this?"

1. You should have evaluated from Day 1 if the relationship is conducive, supportive and a positive, encouraging factor in your life. 

2. If you have already decided if it is, bailing because things get hard and because "you've tried" is bullcrap. Divorce rates are ridiculous. Dont be another statistic! 

3. NEVER keep score

"I spent $120 on your birthday present!" "You said you would/wouldnt-"

Any relationship guide will tell you this. If you keep score, you're basically building up a pile of stinking resentment and shit, waiting for the right time to dump it all on your partner's head. And if you're doing it, chances are that your partner will start doing the same to you.

So while I may not be an expert in the affairs of the heart, I have had my share of mishaps, train wrecks, missed opportunities and the stories of countless others to add to my reservoir of wise things.  

You dont have to agree with everything I have said but promise me that you'll at least spend a minute thinking about it ;p

PEACE OUT!