Of Horoscopes and Fate

How many of you read horoscopes, cling to good luck charms or believe in superstitions?
Sometimes, we can't help it. It's embedded into our culture, promoted by society. Fate, fortunes, luck and talismans.
Being born Chinese, there are many superstitions that I sometimes unconsciously follow.
When I gamble, I shift seats when my luck is down, grab something red or festive (I usually only gamble during the Chinese New Year) or if luck is really not in my side, try again in a couple of hours.
(Chinese believe that you're luckier at certain times depending on the time and date you were born)

Facebook constantly plagues me with updates of my friends horoscopes or their lucky number or color if the day.
Now, I'd be lying if I said I totally didn't believe in all this. A part of me always believe.
But, hey, you guys realise its all a bunch of crap right? 99.9% of all these fortune readings are made up with a formula of vagueness.
I know, I know, what's the harm I'm reading them, right?
Well, no harm but it actually affects your decision making which may sometimes lead to negative effects.
For example, imagine you're on a gameshow and for the grand finale, you have to choose either Door 1, Door 2, or Door 3!!
You're the oldest among your siblings but 2 is your favourite number, which do you choose?!
But wait! This morning the newspaper said that good fortune comes in threes!
So you choose Door 3 and go home with a blender and some new towels.
(In case you didn't figure, that wasn't the grand prize)
Science has revealed that much of our decision making isn't made by our brains or much of our hearts for that matter. We're easily swayed with subconscious messages, advertising, our peers as well as many other factors.
Many companies make use of this research to encourage us to buy their products.
So when you read horoscopes and fortunes, you are subconsciously feeding yourself more "false" information that your decisions are based on.
What colors you wear, what food you choose, which road you take, what mood you're in, our subconscious weighs in more than we know.
So while it may be harmless for me to not show off my awesome new ironman sweater and wear it on Friday instead, when it comes to choosing which companies I apply for or if I should go overseas to further my studies, that isn't something I want to leave up to fortunes and subconscious messaging.

Sometimes we meet fortune tellers who seem so remarkably real but think of it this way: are you really content with the fortune she/he has revealed to you? No matter how nice and great that fortune may be, they usually just tell you what you want to hear with some face reading.
Face reading, now THAT is real. Think of what Sherlock does, just not as cool. There are professionals who read people for a living.

It may be comforting to have fortunes to console ourselves and make the tough decisions for us but it's our life. We have to make our own decisions.

So bear this in mind, sure, you can keep reading fortunes and horoscopes but don't put too much stock into it. You make your own fortune. Just because fortunes say you will succeed or fail doesn't mean you will. Find and give yourself the strength you need to seize the day.

Carpe diem! YOLO!

YOLO

College is a time of self-discovery and for many, an opportunity to mold ourselves into the people we want to be, but who is that exactly?

So here’s a question for you, reader: who do you want to be? I’m not talking fame, success, money or reputation. I’m taking about what defines you, who you are on the inside because at the end of the day, what is what matters.

Generation Y refers to those born from the early 1980s to the early 2000s is also known as Generation Me. Does that really sum us up? Engrossed in Western ways and obsessed about what we are entitled to, so many youths define themselves by the way the look, who and how many people like them and where they spend their free time.

I was born in 1990 and as I grew older, I noticed the difference between my seniors, my peers and my juniors. As many of you reading has had time to decide who you are and what you stand for in college, I hope you can ponder a few questions.

My younger sister tells me that I have to stop wearing cartoon graphic tees regardless of how cute and funny they are.
Why are you so obsessed over how you look?

My other sister dresses up like a Malaysian edition Goth and her classmates think she’s weird and bitch about her.
Does it make you feel better to label people just because you are like everyone else?

My classmates ask me why I don’t wear make up.
Why are you not comfortable with the way you look naturally that you feel ugly and naked without some powders and liquids to hide what you think is a deformity?

My peers say nice guys finish last and that its not enough to be the sweet girl next door to get a guy’s attention.
Why do you always want to be with the good looking person in the spotlight, living like YOLO when there’s that kind, nice and fun guy/girl that you get along with great?

My friends whine about how they cant get a boyfriend or a girlfriend because of this and that and bla bla bla. Why are you in a hurry to date and dump?
Does the number of people you’ve dated or your relationship status make you a better person?

People call me a nerd for carrying around novels and burying my face in pages instead of chilling in the cinemas.
Why are you so proud of your short attention spans and that you don’t want to broaden your horizons?

Some ask me why am I so boring to sit at home or just chilling with some friends at some eatery instead of hitting up clubs.
Why cant you have a good time that doesn’t involve alcohol or doing things with strangers?

Many of the people my age say they’re not gonna bother voting because they don’t involve themselves in politics.
Why do you not care about the things that do not have a direct effect on you but you will blame anyone and everyone when something sucks?

If you had to choose three words to describe yourself, what would they be?
Do you know who you are?

Now, if you can choose three words to describe who you want to be, what are they?
Do you know who you want to be?

If you chose awesome, YOLO, epic, popular, rich, good looking or anything to that effect, then you probably have some thinking to do.

What does it even mean to be YOLO or epic or legendary? While it would be cool to see that on your grave stone "died from being too epic-ly legendary. YOLO" it kinda just means you do what you want whenever you want, doesn't it?

While I'm not condoning insane acts, what does it amount to? Isnt it a waste if your whole life is quantified by how many insane acts you participated in instead of how you made a positive difference?
"Remember when he/she won that beer chugging contest?" "Remember when we broke into the shopping mall?" "Remember when you rode on the top of a moving car?"
While it is cool as hell to have done these kinda things...
"He/she was the best boss I ever had" "He/She showed me I could be so much more and made me who I am today" "I remember I was so depressed that day and you actually noticed and did everything you could to make me smile."

Aspire to be more than who you are. Reach outside your comfort zones.

For me, being kind, smart and funny is enough for me. Yeah, I know, this is the part where you accuse me of being some nerdy little virgin girl who has never stayed out past midnight and wouldn’t know a dirty joke if it hit me in the eye.

Well, I have news for you; the world isn’t divided into the nerds who have no life and the party people who are out living it every night. Sure, I’ve enjoy the attention I get from guys, I love my gadgets (a little too much), and I admit to nights of insanity when I do things I dare not retell even in my dreams. I’ve had a tattoo for about 6+ years, I’ve dated and dumped my fair share of guys, and I have a bottle of alcohol in my room.

When the night is over, the guys have moved on, the bottles are empty and the tattoos are faded, what matters is who you are underneath. When you take away the muscles, make up, perfectly coordinated outfits, flashy toys, YOLO friends…

If you could write your own eulogy at your funeral, what would you say?

Letting Go

Sometimes we don’t realize how hard we’re clinging and holding on to a piece of our past until we start to feel the frustrating tug of our past, trying to get free. Then we think, “Why is this so hard?! Why is this happening?”

The truth is, we don’t want to let go. Good or bad, sometimes we let the past become a huge part of our present lives that deep down, we fear that in letting our past go, we will be letting go of a piece of ourselves; a piece so big, we’re not sure if we can survive it. It’s not just memories and things I’m talking about but our past in the form of people.

Realizing that my mother was a lost cause struck me hard. Yes, she’s mean, abusive, thoughtless and selfish. I guess all that repetitive “she’s still your mother” stuck to me and despite knowing with all my heart and soul that I was better off without her, well, it made me a bit lost. Despite all the painful memories and the fearful moments, she was there when I was growing up and much of who I am today is because of her, the good and the horrible.

I have sisters who have the knack of making me feel all better after my mum has performed one of her typical episodes but the next moment, they say something that just totally messes with my brain and ruins the days to come. But they’re my siblings, right? Friends come and go as do lovers but you aint gonna get any more siblings (well, if parents in question totally stop producing any). They say blood is thicker than water. My response is: and honey is thicker than blood, point being?

Then there are the friends. Differences, time and space slowly eroded bonds of friendships though I credit many abandoned friendships to stupid mistakes and beliefs, both mine and theirs. But these are the people I grew up with. These are the people who know why it bothers me when I see my mum’s number flash on my phone. These are the people who know why a mean remark from my family can hurt me so deep. They know from the sound of my voice, a look on my face, or a stray thought if something was wrong. They play Monopoly Deal with me for hours because I don’t want to- because I can’t talk about it but when we’re all done pretending everything is okay, they just hold me close and tell me it’s gonna be okay.

Being friends with my ex may be great because we totally understand each other and we’ve been friends forever but the fact remains that our partners will always feel uncomfortable with our friendship regardless. He’s funny, mean, and brutally honest and he totally gets it when I message him telling him about the latest shit in my life to hit the fan.

But when comes the day when you realize that you can or you have to let go of them. You hear this resounding voice throughout your whole being: “I just can’t”. Your mind starts making a million and one excuses of why you just can’t despite the fact that you should. You make yourself bear through family events that make you sit in your car or room after and just question why you were ever born. You work so hard to keep friendships alive even though you know that it’s hopeless. Why?

We can’t keep holding on to people just because they represent a huge piece of our past. All the excuses we make are just that: excuses. It is fear that holds us back. It is the fear of being alone, fear of being left by the new people in our lives, fear of never meeting people who get it.

If we keep making space in our lives for our past, how will we have space for the future? If we’re afraid to shatter the fragile past, how can we build the courage to charge forwards and onwards?

Life is a journey. Let’s not keep reminiscing about the moments in the past when there can be so much to look forward to. 

Years From Now - On Growing Up

We've all heard that annoying phrase: "years from now, you'll look back and laugh" or "when you're older, you'll see this isn't a big deal"

Right now, when I look back at my past, I peer so cautiously, as if I am afraid of breaking the frail threads that reach into my present and the future.
Sometimes we cant help it: I look at all the mistakes I made and try to pretend like I don't regret them. Sometimes I can see how making those mistakes made me a better person or changed my life to make so many things possible. Other times, I just avert my gaze and try not to think of how stupid I was back then.

Hey, we cant help being stupid but like someone once said to me, "being young isn't our excuse to be useless and stupid." Even if we can recover from those mistakes, wrong decisions and rash actions, doesn't mean we should get into that hole in the first place. Even if we can make more friends in college, doesn't mean we act atrociously in high school, right?

That being said, being young is a time for being stupid. Haha. I've done my share of ridiculous things that border being legal, things which totally classify me as a bitch or things that are just plain stupid.
These are the things you look back at when you're older and say with that undeniable tinge of pride, "yeah, I did a lot of crazy shit"

While I will let remember how ridiculous and stupid the things I did were, I want to make the best out of them until those regrets become useful.

So if i could go back in time and tell myself something?
It would be to live a little more, do more crazy things but always remember to be the best I can be.